While we were waiting in the car for the bus to arrive--5 degrees out there--he told me that he doesn't like to ride the bus because there's a girl who calls him 'fishbreath' everyday and she's mean to him.
So my first response was the correct parenting response--just ignore her. He said that he does ignore her, but she still does it and it hurts his feelings. So I told him that he shouldn't let what she says hurt his feelings because she's clearly not a nice person and her opinion shouldn't matter at all. He didn't seem reassured by that, and after a moment of considering that advice I realized it was unrealistic. I always had a hard time reacting rationally to that kind of shit, too.
So I ventured out into bad-dad land and told him if, and only if, she called him 'fishbreath' he should look at her, smile in the most friendly way, and say 'Hello, Elephant Ears'. He giggled for a while and seemed excited about getting on the bus, and that made me feel much better.
Until I got home and realized I'd just told him to call names and pick on someone's physical appearance. I felt guilty for a moment. But only a moment. After that moment I wished I could b e a fly on the wall to see how it went, and if it wasn't successful, provide him with another tactic to get the little rugrat off his back.
I wish my Dad would have taught me the art of war when I was a kid :D
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